I should sleep cause we are going first tmr but why why do I have so Many thoughts floating in my head right now?? 왜 왜 … 너 생각해…. Why why why. Even though Peng says it’s totally normal haha. On a side note, I really super duper uber thank God for building this friendship for me. THANK YOU JESUS LIKE X1000000000000 TO INFINITY. Probably the bestest friend I’ve ever had (with the exception of Jesus!) Always forever there for me, taking my nonsense and giving me advice. It doesn’t matter if I’m not her closest friend but I really treasure this friendship ALOT. One where we can not talk for days but then when we talk it ain’t awkward. PENG IF YOU SEE THIS (which you prolly never will) I REALLY LOVE YOU LOTS AND YOU MEAN LOTS TO MEEEEE ♡♡♡
On another note, I wonder what life would be like if I hadn’t gone to TA. What kind of person would I be? Probably a VERY different person from who I am right now. I guess I am thankful to my Abba for moulding me into such a person. I mean no one is flawless and yes I would like to change things about myself, but somehow Jesus manages to smoothen the rough edges and sharpen the beautiful parts. It isn’t easy being molded by Jesus cause it’s a journey in itself, each time he changes me. But he does the moulding so how I change isn’t up to me, it’s up to Him. And you know, whatever Jesus does and touches, he perfects it. That’s the beauty of Jesus. Sometimes I wish I’d stop restraining and stopping myself from sharing this goodness with everyone because it would be WONDERFUL if everyone I loved and cared about experienced this Jesus who loves me so much ♡ But I guess Im still afraid to be judged. I realised that someone who is secure in Jesus isn’t afraid to share and show the world who they are. They dare to be vulnerable and real in front of people because they know that they are rooted to Jesus. I guess I’m looking forward to see myself like that, someone secure in Jesus and immune to judgement. I know that in everything Jesus has a plan in store for me and I can see that now as I reflect on 2012&2013 (whatever that has passed) in school and in church. St nicks might have brought out the bitchy bimbo side of me… I really dunno. But I somehow kinda miss it. Just need reassurance that whatever it is, this path that I am leads me to somewhere beautiful cause Jesus is walking it with me(:
The last floating thought is about LOVEEEE. *Listen to the birds chirp and smell the fragrance of the blooming flowers* haha Kay I guess cause of kdrama and of my parents love story. People always say that at this age you’d probably have met your life partner by now. Hmmm how true is that? I truly question. I know Jesus has someone in store for me and I’m like tooooo immature to be in a relationship now, but it’d be nice. Haha obviously right… I mean I know it isn’t the right season but sometimes something that you label as forbidden or bad becomes more tempting than if you just saw it neutrally. It’s like I’m so rigid about my principals that I wouldn’t even bend it. But watching so much Korean stuff is badddd for one’s love life. It pushes expectations up by like 100000000 and makes it like muchhhh sweeter than in reality (I think). I think I might like you. Haha whoever you are…. it’s like if I had a choice I wouldn’t like anyone, or I’d choose someone else. And I keep 自欺欺人 or at least I think so. Haha gosh I think I’m SO sleepy I’m almost typing with my eyes closed. 너는 많이생각해.. Even though I know you probably NEVER think of me. I hope you don’t know and that you aren’t making use of how nice I am to you. Way toooo nice evidently. Okay seriously too tired to think. But yeahh Jesus I’m super tired. You take over Kay. Here’s the key to my heart and a list of things I like in a guy, now please entrust this key to the right person. I know u already have someone in mind so I’m gonna trust you Kay!